this was emailed to me had to share.


The attached is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an
arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, bycheck, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his
or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from. Pease press the buttons as follows:

1.. To make an appointment to see me.

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client,

(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman)

There is no way that was written by a 96 year old woman. Never mind the main body of text which would never be typed out by a 96 year old woman, the word nanosecond has never and will never be used by anyone over the age of 40.

regardles i found it rather amusing.

Damn , Is it copy written. I want to send it to my bank. The f##kers have hooked me twice in the last 3 mts for EXACTLY that. And now the insruacnce comp is threating to cancel ALL coverages. :@

__________________
PLAY IT PROUD... PLAY IT LOUD
Brampton ON

uhh, this joke and about 30 variations thereof have been runing around the banking industry for years. they have been the source of many laughts for employees that hand them to managers and enjoy the reactions....

__________________
Sublime Simplicity is all too rare 92 300ZX TT stage III

It's really simple, if you write a check and date it when you don't have the funds you need to manage your money better.

^^Or call and put a stop on it instead of bouncing it a stop is cheaper then a bounce.

Dereck, I've served numerous seniors that were quite well educated and very well spoken, I wouldn't be surprised if a senior did write this (yeah I got a form of it some time ago too), I wish I did.
I feel it's no longer equitable nor pleasurable to do business with a bank or credit card companies, I always have to watch my statements for automatic "extra service charges" and once a month I get $1.02 back into my account.
I discovered this several years ago when my ex and I ran a business, we went back 2 years in records and got them to re-imburse the whole amount plus intrest.
Conidering the intrest rate credited VS service charges deducted, it's just not worth it anymore.
Banking institutions are in business for only one reason, to MAKE money, not for your personal needs.

__________________
E.C wuz here

Sorry to disprove your theory, but I have used that word many a times. In fact, sonny, who do you think paved way for the technology you enjoy today? My generation and the ones before that. Yep, and what's even sadder is, the present generation has nowhere near the number of innovative thinkers my generation had. Your generation....we will call it the remix generation (because that's what your generation seems to do best)...... nuff said.

You see, I can prejudge just as much as the next fellow. I am assuming you are under the age of 40 from your comment. Actually, you sound a tad over the age of 25. BTW, please don't take this as an attempt to start a flame or anything, but older people aren't all uneducated...... ignorant, maybe. That lady who wrote the letter went through two world wars, the depression, and the industrial and technology revolution. She has seen the world change in so many ways. She was probably one of the very few lucky ones who did not have to quit school to help support her family.

Again, I am not upset by your comment, just miffed a bit with the misconception younger people have about seniors. I am not quite a senior yet, but let me tell you, there are a lot of people my age and older that are very learned <<some are even wise>>. Most of them think I'm nuts surfin the web logged onto sites such as this that are full of people half my age or less.

Hats off to that lady for being a life-long learner.

BTW, I'm kind of dissing the next generation, but my generation didn't do its job very well at all. For the first time in the history of man, the next generation may not do better than the previous generation. We screwed up the planet (environment) and left you in debt. The losers of this world are the result of our "looking out for number one" attitude. I was born at the tail end of the "we" generation and grew up in the "me" generation.

Not all of us were bad parents, I guess. It's good to see some young people these days actually caring about their environment, making a difference, and mending our mistakes.

Gawd, I think I'm going through mid-life crisis or something. I think I need to see a shrink! I need to get a life and join the rest of my friends on the golf course and taking group tours to Reno.

[ January 07, 2005, 11:11 PM: Message edited by: mugen1 ]

I am 32 on the 30th. Just becaus e I said that anyone over the age of 40 wouldn't use the word nanosecond, does not mean I meant they are all uneducated. In fact I would think that someone over the age of 40 would in fact use the word nonsecond before a under 25 year old, but they wouldn't use that word either. Also I would like to know when you used that term so I can be sure not to make the mistake of saying anyone over the age of 40 never would use it. Heck I have never used it before, I see no need for a measurement of time less than one second