| CCA Hoser
Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 67
| It was late at night
on Christmas eve,
I tried to sleep,
but couldn't breath.
I tossed and I turned,
but sleep wouldn't come,
so I checked out my cupboards,
in search of some rum.
The cupboards were bare,
and my fridge empty too,
So off to Smitty's I went,
in search of some brew.
The snow was a fallin,
and the wind it was cold,
but I cranked up the Mazda,
and down the driveway I rolled.
I thought to myself,
"why couldn't I doze?"
when the reason came clear,
as the end of my nose.
I'd been the brunt,
of a horrible joke,
into my business,
somebody had poked.
Yes, I was the king,
of all I surveyed,
But 2 of my amps,
had been stolen today.
So, to drown out my sorrows,
to Smittys I went,
to lean on my friend,
while our elbows got bent.
Over hill, over dale,
thru the dark stormy night,
until Smitty's appeared,
in the Mazda's headlights.
I pulled up to the house,
and I turned off my lights,
went to the door,
and saw a frightening sight!
The front door ajar,
the fridge open wide,
two people were fighting,
the room torn up inside.
In the gloom I could see,
with my eyes open wide,
Smitty and Chris,
both on their sides!
Shouting and cursing,
at the top of their lungs,
about who gets the beer,
when the fighting is done.
I shook my head,
"what a horrific sight",
to see both of my friends,
in such a terrible plight.
"But what could I do,"
I thought to myself,
"to stop all this mess,
and put the beer on my shelf?"
Well, the answer was clear,
just take the beer from the fridge,
head out to the Mazda,
and disappear oer the ridge.
That's just what I did,
in a minute and a half,
I smiled as I left,
and let out a laugh.
I started the Mazda,
and watched the rear view,
then smiled at myself,
as I opened a brew.
The last thing I saw,
as I drove out of sight,
where two staring faces,
looking into the night.
I drove for awhile,
drinking down three or four,
and started feeling better,
and a little less sore.
I pondered the thought,
of a thief in my midst.
and how all of this beer,
would give me the ****z.
I drove and I drank,
and I drank and I drove,
until that blur in my windshield,
seemed like my old road.
Sure enough, it was,
I was back at my house,
and I'd aquired a passenger,
a small drunken mouse.
I says to the mouse,
"how'd you get here?"
he politely replied,
"I hid in the beer."
"What is your name?",
to the mouse, I queeried,
to which he just stared,
and finished his beer in a hurry.
I watched as he stumbled,
and fell out of my ride,
then staggered to the door,
turned the knob, went inside.
"He wait just a minute,"
That's one extremely rude mouse,
He never answered my question,
just walked in my house!
What a day I was having,
this just couldn't be,
Into the house I followed,
so that I could pee.
I reached for the knob,
on the old bathroom door,
to find it was locked,
and I was getting quite sore.
"Hey mouse", I said,
"do you know who's house this is?"
"Comon and open this door,
Cause I gotta whiz!"
"I'll be out in a shake,"
the little guy spat,
and I thought to myself,
"I'm getting a cat."
The door opened up,
after a minute or so,
the mouse let me by,
so that I could now go.
When I had finished,
I came back to see,
the mouse on my table,
just staring at me.
"Mouse", said I,
"what are you called and where do you go?"
"I'm just a mere mouse,
and my name's Jordy O."
"Jordy my boy,
please hand me a beer,"
at once he was gone,
and then reappeared.
We opened our brews,
and sat for a spell,
When the little guy said,
"you've a story to tell?"
I said "yes sir, Jordy,
it's been a bad day,"
"two of my amps,
were stolen away..."
He peered out at me,
under his whiskers, so white,
and let me go on,
about my terrible plight.
"I'm king of the world,
in the old IASCA game,
I compete to make BASS,
seeking fortune and fame."
"That old Mazda truck,
that you just caught a ride,
is right full of amps,
and speakers inside."
"Eight amps had I,
for the job that I do'
but after Kentucky,
I'm lighter by two!"
"Stolen from me,
in the prime of their life,
I'd rather that someone,
had kidnapped my wife"
"I've asked all my friends,
if they'd seen the round,
but it was all for naught,
and I feel like a clown"
"Oh Jordy," I cried,
"What shall I do,
I can not compete,
with eight amps minus two!"
Old Jordy looked up,
from sipping his drink,
and said, "Give me a minute,
...just let me think."
"Answer me this,
my dear friend McVay,
were all of them working,
on that very last day?"
I reached for my chin,
to scratch the end of my beard,
and thought to myself,
"Wow, that's really quite weird."
I answered the mouse,
in a voice slightly raised,
"I don't think they were,
all working that day."
I thought for a sec,
and I answered again
still rubbing the stubble'
on the end of my chin.
"Why, those amps were fried,
I remembered the smell,
they had both be blown up,
I'd blown them to hell !!!!"
All of a sudden,
on my face there appeared,
a smile that spread,
from ear to ear.
"That's better" Jordy laughed,
before he said his goodbyes,
"Your cured McVay,
it's written in your eyes!"
I opened the door,
and bid him goodnight,
and the little mouse staggered,
out into the night.
I watched him disappear,
shouting "He just had to go,
soon they'd be closing the border,
into old ONTARIO."
After shouting "so long!",
before closing the door,
my bloodshot eyes,
witnessed one thing more.
Just on the edge,
of my line of sight,
I could have sworn that I saw,
an amazing sight.
I knew I was drunk,
just as bad as can be,
so what I must say,
I'm not sure that I'd seen.
But it looked like a sleigh,
full of Budweiser beer,
being pulled thru the snow,
by 7 ugly mule deer!
Well, they stopped for a sec,
to pick up the mouse,
and the last thing I heard.....
"Head for Smitty's House!"
......But that's another Story.....
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